Things your dog might say if he could talk

[Sojourner]

1. Why take me for a walk if I can't check stuff out? Whose walk is it, anyway?

2. Stop blaming your farts on me. Not funny.

3. How about a little privacy when I'm pooping. That look I'm giving you is meant to be a hint.

4. Stop fussing at me for crotch-sniffing. I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing.

5. I don't need those sweaters you buy me. Did you happen to notice the fur?

6. Enough with the fake ball throws. So You can fool a dog, woohoo!

7. Stop balancing the treat on my nose, and just let me eat it.

8. Who's really the boss here? You don't see me picking up your poop.

[teddyv]

Ours would be: "Just leave the cabinet door to the kitchen garbage open". Or else, "Continue to feed me constantly. I don't care how gross it is".

She's mostly black lab, i.e. a mobile garburator.

[Sojourner]

Hiya Teddy. Good to see you. 

[Rebecca]

LIKE  there aint no like button

[Sojourner]

9. After what the vet doctor did to me, you wonder why I freak out every time you drive me there?

10. You threw the ball. If you want it, you fetch it.

11. Why does the cat get to use the bathroom inside when I get yelled at for it?

12. Why is there a tree in the house if I can't pee on it?

13. You make me wear this stupid cone, and wonder why I chewed up your slippers.

14. Stop complaining about me barking. Do you have any idea what a blabber-mouth you are?

15. That Alpo commercial kills me. 'Not a speck of cereal.' Listen, I root through the garbage and drink out of the toilet. I'm not gonna be too terribly upset if I find a speck of cereal in my food.

[Athanasius]

Now there's a "Like" button.

[teddyv]

Hiya Teddy. Good to see you. 

Likewise. Hope things are well with you.