How to avoid a speeding ticket

[Sojourner]

Observing the driver of a sleek sports car speeding excessively, a cop hit the lights and siren, until the driver pulled over to the side of the road. The officer approached the vehicle and asked the driver for his license, registration and proof of insurance. "Well," replied the driver, I don't have a license. Just never bothered with it. As far as registration and proof of insurance, this isn't my car, it belongs to the guy in the trunk that I shot." "Excuse me?  replied the cop. Reaching for the glove box, the man said, "I think I saw the registration when I put my gun in here. Let me grab it for you."

The cop pulled his weapon, and yelled for the man to freeze. Placing the man in cuffs and placing him in his squad car,  the cop radioed for his duty sergeant, who quickly arrived on the scene, along with a few more squad cars. Quickly checking the trunk, they found nothing amiss. The sergeant questioned the driver, asking about his gun and the dead body remark. "What???" the man bellowed indignantly. "What a liar. There's no body in my trunk as you can see, and I don't have a gun." He glared over at the cop that pulled him over, and said snidely, "And I suppose he stopped me for speeding, too."

[Sojourner]

A man browsing at an open air market came across one of the largest bass he'd ever seen, and had to have it. "Wow, that bad boy is big enough to mount," he said. After paying for the fish, he asked if the clerk would mind tossing it to him. "Sure," came the reply. "Could I ask why?" "Well, I'm not much of a fisherman, but I'm not a liar. I want to be able to say I caught it."