Tips for surviving horror movie situations

[Sojourner]

1. Understand that no matter how fast you run or how far ahead of the lumbering, machete-wielding killer you are, he can step out from behind a tree ahead of you at any time.

2. Never summon demons or open a portal to hell by reading from ancient, obscure text, even as a joke.

3. Never get into your vehicle at night before checking the back seat. You've been warned.

4. As a general rule, don't tinker around with recombinant DNA. Nothing good will come of it.

5. If you witness someone growing fur and fangs, don't just stand there watching the transformation. Take the opportunity to escape.

6.  If your car breaks down or runs out of gas in an isolated area, don't go to the isolated, creepy-looking house for help. It won't turn out well for you.

7. If other guests at a summer camp are being slaughtered one by one, take the hint, and leave immediately.

8. Never purchase property that was once a graveyard or sacred Native American burial ground. Save yourself some grief and do a little historical research.

9. Never approach the creature to make sure it's dead. It isn't, and it will kill you.

10. If the lights suddenly go out for no reason, don't go down in the basement to check the fuses. Get out of the house immediately.

11. As a rule, don't flee from the creature by running through a graveyard or cornfield, as that generally doesn't turn out well.

12. Understand that locking yourself in a car without the keys affords little protection unless the windows are unbreakable.

13. When trying to get away from the killer, don't expect to conveniently find car keys over the sun visor of a nearby car or truck, as that only happens in the movies. Better to just flee on foot.
 
14. While fleeing for your life, expect to trip and fall at least once, and plan accordingly.

15. If a blow to the head has the relentless psychotic killer on the floor stunned, don't stop bashing until his skull is caved in.

16. When the killer chasing you and a friend is closing in, don't hesitate to trip your friend. Better him than you.

17. If that creepy-looking doll appeared to move or change expression, don't blow it off as your imagination. Immediately chop it into pieces, and then burn the pieces.

18. When fleeing a homicidal maniac in your house, don't make the rookie mistake of running upstairs. Even if you manage to escape through a window, you'll break a leg jumping to freedom, and he'll get you. Besides, you probably past the front door to take the stairs. Idiot.

[DavidGYoung]

Number ten is not a problem. If the lights suddenly go out for no reason, a blue glow will appear from nowhere and you can navigate with that, preferably to the front door and out into the, more illuminated even at night, street.

[IMINXTC]

Say "Beetlejuice" 3 times

[Sojourner]

Never say "Candyman" 5 times in front of a mirror.

[RabbiKnife]

Never take a shower in a sketchy motel…

[Athanasius]

Befriend The Slayer

[Sojourner]

Steer clear of the weird neighbor that invited you to see his eyeball collection. (Especially if he has complimented you on your baby blues).

[Slug1]

Ensure the escape auto has a push button start. Don't even have to take the keys out of your pocket.

[tango]

When going to investigate the mysterious bump in the night, don't go exploring wearing your skimpiest nightwear.

[RabbiKnife]

When going to investigate the mysterious bump in the night, don't go exploring wearing your skimpiest nightwear.

I though men were required to go in ugly flannel pajamas carrying an old baseball bat and women were required to go in their tiniest panties and a very tight cut off t shirt.

How else will you escape the monster/maniac,

[teddyv]

When going to investigate the mysterious bump in the night, don't go exploring wearing your skimpiest nightwear.

I though men were required to go in ugly flannel pajamas carrying an old baseball bat

I thought it was "whitey-tighties".

[IMINXTC]

Shine the flashlight back on your face. Spooks hate that.

[Athanasius]

Announce that you have been, in fact, the horror all along, as you peel back your skin...

[Fenris]

When the Horror goes down, make sure they're dead before you go.

[RabbiKnife]

If you can't figure out where the danger is, always look for the cobra wrapped around the base of the toilet.